Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
