Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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