you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
