So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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