im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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