Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
