I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
