If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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