the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
