nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
