It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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