she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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