i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
