you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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