I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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