dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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