Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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