What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
