She's JV to your varsity
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
