So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
