What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
