Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
