Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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