the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
