Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
