he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
