Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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