Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
