I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
