I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
