I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
