That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
