physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We smell like vodka and hangover
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