He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
