my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
