The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
