the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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