im having a threesome with these popsicles
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
