Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
