you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
