what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
