He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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