Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
