Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
