the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
