My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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