i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
