I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
