My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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