Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
