This dress was meant to end up on your floor
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
