I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
